Don't be a Douche

Lately, I seem to be encountering more douche bags then necessary. In case anyone reading this didn't know, douche bag is possibly my favorite insult ever. Douche bags make me cranky. Below, I have compiled a list of things that you can do to avoid this fate.

Everyone

1. Is it truly necessary to talk on your cell phone, in a public place, like you are at home? And before any of my friends say it; YES my cell should just be super glued to my hand. But think about it, do I ever hold long, in depth conversations. Today at Target, I swear this woman was following me. I know how much money she makes, who she needs to talk to about a promotion, her bra-size, and that she has some type of infection.
2. Driving an IROC Z no longer makes you cool.
3. Please do not say to me "You don't look like a vegan". Call a spade a spade. Just say you think I am fat.
4. Mind your own fucking business. Worry about you. I'll worry about me.
5. Avoid beginning a sentence with "I seen....". Such as, "I was at the store, and I seen this thing you'd really like." You saw it. No more discussion.
6. If you are a parent, and you have your child in a relatively adult type restaurant, make sure they can handle it. Running around, screaming, and throwing things are all signs they can't.
7. If you call your tattoos "tats" get rid of them. They deserve better.

Females

1. If you are relatively slender, do not call yourself chubby. You're not. And it pisses the real chubby girls off.
2. If your pants are so "low rise" that your crack is hanging out, get new pants.
3. Don't be a chameleon. If there is one thing that screams douche bag, it's a poser. Be who you are, don't change depending on who you are dating, hanging out with, or to please some one. Fucking annoying.
4. Please, please, please, stop dressing up to go to sports bars (there are a lot of them in Green Bay). You need not be a slob (although I often am) but there is no need for Gucci heels, Coach purses, and what ever else you have decided to wear. In fact, there is really no need for those things anyway. Stop being so bourgeois. (See Definition 2)

Males

1. Really, do you need to rip the sleeves off your t-shirts? If you are mowing the lawn, I can understand. Anything else, lose it.
2. Your penis isn't as big or small as you think.
3. Cover your dick. Kids & diseases or a condom?
4. If you are in a relationship, be nice. When you are an asshole to her (or him for that matter) you look like the fuck twat.

I leave you with this video, ironically poking fun at douche bags everywhere!